Empathy is not Enough

The key to healthy relationships is not merely acknowledging each other's feelings; it's acknowledging that we all play a part in creating those feelings. If you asked me what one thing has sustained my marriage for the past six years, I would say it's that principle. And I'm willing to bet that in ten, twenty, thirty years, I'll still say the same thing. Because unlike empathy, affective responsibility ensures that the relationship doesn't become one-sided. To be clear, empathy is important and it's earned greater discussion in recent years for good reason. Our modern society has historically been resistant to valuing emotion; in fact, the only credence feelings were ever given was when they could be supported by reason. Thus, conflict resolution used to be more of an exercise in sterile retribution where emotional responses that didn't make sense were dismissed with a "get over it" and a shrug. Empathy challenged that convention by