No One is Redefining My Marriage

History will tell you that humanity's solution for everything is war. We're all so very different and we all think we're right, so it makes sense to band together with like-minded souls and cleanse the world of any divergence from our norm. Unfortunately, some have denigrated the sacrifice of true, fallen soldiers by applying the term to less significant conflicts: culture wars, drug wars, there's even a war on marriage. But in the case of the latter, the weapon isn't a sword or a gun; it's a dictionary. That's right, people are up in arms because, apparently, there are people trying to redefine marriage.

This is ultimately the problem that many folks have with gay marriage. The religious right was fine with the gay community when they were relegated to the dark corners of society. You know, in their seedy and squalid bars and clubs like animals. But now that they're out in the light of day like real people seeking marital privileges--our marital privileges--well, I guess we all should have problem with that.

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And the reason, we're told, is because marriage is a holy and sacred bond instituted by God himself. I can agree with that. But the problem arises when those folks use this Christian definition of marriage as cause for raising the banner in defense of what I can only imagine is God's honor. Or something.

Now that's an interesting concept: defending God's honor. Is he some helpless damsel in distress? Is he so detached from this world that he needs the church to be the arbiter of his character? Maybe you're not aware of this, but God's a big boy. He can take care of himself. And as I've said before, he certainly doesn't need us to be his publicists.

I hope that's a point not lost on anyone. So assuming it's not, this leads me to believe that there's an underlying reason many Christians are really so upset about this. Could it be that gay marriage threatens Christianity's grip on culture? My daughter may only be a few weeks old, but I can't help myself from drawing a comparison between these folks and the toddler screaming, "Mine, mine!" Does the church own marriage? Does the culture? Of course not. Marriage is between the couple and God.

Most of us don't act like that's the case, though. Especially if any of us think that gay marriage will in any way affect our marriage. Marriage is not a state certificate. It's not just a signed piece of paper with legal ramifications. Marriage is the joining of two people into one. It's a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. Which means that whatever the government mandates has no bearing on what you and your spouse have committed to before God. I'm responsible for my own marriage, no one else's.

If there is any legitimate threat to it, and I'm not convinced there is, that's how you defend marriage. Not by condemning Macklemore's painful excuse for art at his 2014 Grammy performance, all the while shamelessly redefining marriage (ourselves!) as an opt-in, opt-out practice. No, we defend marriage and champion God's values by being witnesses--by being faithful in our own marriages.